I don't know why I'm writing this letter, considering you cannot read,
I'd just like to apologize.
I'm sorry for waking you up selfishly in the middle of the night when I was young and home alone and too scared to sleep by myself after watching horror flicks. You would be very proud of me if you could see me now, watching such movies home-alone, with nobody to hug me to sleep.
I'm sorry for forgetting to feed you on that one weekend, although you'd never stopped feeding me love.
I apologize for being a coward and pretending it was you who had eaten all the meat, you really had a rough beating that night, huh?
I'm sorry about throwing your favorite ball so hard it fell on the neighbor's house. I just couldn't tell him it was me who broke his window, I hope you can understand that.
Remember that time I let you loose on purpose just so you could run down the street and scare the heck out of those kids? That was real fun, but Im sorry you got spanked for that.
I'm sorry it took me so long to notice you were down, and not eating much, even though you were always the first to know I was sad, and always allowed me to sleep on your belly just so I'd feel better.
I'm sorry I carried you left and right for second, third and fourth opinions, when all you wanted was to lay on your favorite carpet and sleep, I just had to be sure.
I'm sorry for forcing so many horrible pills on you, hiding them inside delicious pieces of meat so as to trick you.
I'm sorry for keeping you awake all night when you needed some rest after an entire day of surgery, I just had to see you open your eyes.
I'm sorry about throwing a tantrum the next day, even though you tried to look brave for me as you entered the vet's car one last time.
I'm sorry for not having the guts to say goodbye.
I just couldn't.
And I still can't.
I'm sorry.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear your question,” said the murdered man’s wife, Sophie, as she wiped her tears away. She patted her simple, black suit and straightened herself, as if preparing for the questions.
“I said, what was Ralph like when he was growing up?” repeated patiently her lawyer, an old man who was as ordinary looking and uninteresting as his personalized suit.
“Ralph has always had attention problems,” Sophie began, without looking at her son, “it began when he was very small. He’d cherish every second of attention I’d give to him as a baby, and he would always cry when I had to leave him for his father. We found it extremely cute at the time.” She smiled.
Ralph, sitting handcuffed next to his lawyer, looked quietly at the unrecognizable Sophie, revealing nothing. His defendant, Christina, a young lawyer on her mid twenties, laid a reassuring hand on his left thigh. She wouldn’t be here if she wasn’t dating his uncle, who had hated Sophie, but Ralph was thankful for her help. He had no money for a decent lawyer.
“When he was 8, his craving for my attention got worse,” Sophie said, smiling as if she had just remembered a particularly funny incident from the past. “There was this time, I argued with John in front of him. That was a big mistake. Ralph wouldn’t speak to his own father for weeks! He wouldn’t even let John pick him up from school, it was a real nuisance.”
Although the incident had happened many years ago, Ralph still remembered it quite clearly.
***
Ralph was playing with his toy cars in his room. The hero car, a transparent model was pursuing the villain, a red sports car, who had just kidnapped the hero’s girlfriend, when he heard something breaking loudly downstairs in the kitchen. He scurried to the stairs, hearing the voices grow louder and louder as he got closer.
“You’re screwing her, aren’t you?!” screamed his mother.
“I will not discuss this nonsense!” His father stormed away from the kitchen. Reaching the stairs, he spotted Ralph standing there, holding his toy cars. He stood there for a while, looking at his son, and then left Ralph’s vision, heading for the door.
Ralph found his mother crying in the kitchen.
“Mommy, are you ok?”
She looked at him, her eyes red, her makeup a mess. Although he was very young, Ralph would never forget her words, or the way she looked deep into his eyes as she said them.
“Your father has cheated on me. Promise me, Ralph. Promise me you will never cheat on your woman. Promise me.”
***
“What was the argument about?”
“Oh, it was nothing special. I don’t even remember what it was. Couples frequently argue over nothing, really,” said Sophie, smiling carefree.
“That bastard cheated on her, and she defends him,” muttered Ralph under his breath, audible only to Christina.
“What about school? Had Ralph ever revealed himself as an aggressive person in school?”
“Huh? I don’t think so. Well, once… he got in a fight during school. Children stuff, one of his classmates called me something bad during an argument they were having, and Ralph attacked him,” Sophie said, waving her right hand dismissively, “I remember the school’s shrink called us that night.”
“What did she say?”
“That he had a… complex of some sort. The doctor told me my son seemed to love me very much, but that it was normal at his age. Of course my son loves he, he’s my son! I didn’t need a shrink to help me figure that out.” Sophie gave a little laugh.
Ralph munched on the soft spot of his left hand between his thumb and his index, which was a habit he had. His eyes never left his mother’s figure, a look of contempt so strong in his eyes. He just felt so betrayed.
“Has Ralph ever had reasons to hate his father?” asked the lawyer.
Another memory from the past forced its way unwillingly to Ralph’s mind.
***
Ralph had just arrived home that night. He had found his mother crying in her room.
“Mother, are you alright?” Ralph asked, sitting down next to her.
“Yes… I’m fine, honey,” she said, trying to fake a laugh. Ralph noticed she was hiding her face.
“Mother, did he hit you?” Ralph asked, his voice croaked. As if answering his question, his mother pulled him close and hugged him, starting to cry again. They stayed like that for a long minute, Ralph feeling the pleasant warmth of his mother’s body, trying to understand what sort of a monster John had to be to do what he did.
“I promise you he will never touch you again,” Ralph whispered to her ears, almost passionately.
***
“Please answer the question, madam,” said the judge, speaking for the first time in a long while, “has Ralph ever had reasons to hate his father?”
“Not that I can remember,” said Sophie. She caught Ralph’s eyes for a split second, looked away and continued, “Ralph was always extremely competitive with his father, but he was never an aggressive kid. They were not the best of friends, admittedly, but John had never really given any reason for Ralph to dislike him. Except for him being my husband.”
“I have one last question, madam. Could you please tell us what happened on the fifth of May?”
***
On the day that Ralph ruined his life, he had gotten a phone call from his mother, asking him to come home. She sounded scared, so he went home as fast as he could.
Ralph pushed the door open to find his mother sitting on the living room carpet, clutching a long, bleeding cut on her right arm, crying hysterically.
“Mother, what happened?!” Ralph shouted, throwing his backpack to the ground and running to her aid. She turned towards him and he noticed she had a slight cut above her eye, where his father had probably hit her.
“You promised me he would never hit me again!” She screamed, out of herself. Her words shocked him, but he instantly realized what he had to do.
“Yes, I did. And he never will, mom. Not again.” Ralph headed towards the living room cupboard, where he had left his baseball bat, and picked it up.
His mother saw him picking up the weapon and said, weakly, “Do it, Ralph.” Ralph’s resolve flickered for a while, realizing what he was about to do. Sophie noticed his weakness.
“Kill him, Ralph, kill him!” She shouted like a mad woman, “Your father was never half the man you are, and he will never be. He’s the only thing standing in the way of our happiness!”
Ralph tightened his grip on the baseball bat and headed towards the stairs.
He found his father in his parents’ bedroom. He was holding his cell-phone in one hand, whispering sadly on it as he looked at his leg, where a knife was stuck. His leg was bleeding profusely. He noticed Ralph coming in, but he didn’t notice the bat.
“Ralph? Ralph, you shouldn’t be here this early,” he began, as if that was of any relevance to what was happening, “you… go to a friend’s house. Y-yes, that’s best right now. Your mother, ah… your mother isn’t feeling very well right now and…” his voice trailed away as he noticed the bat.
“What are you doing, Ralph?” Ralph took one step closer.
“Ralph? Ralph no! You got it all wrong, Ralph! RALPH!”
***
Sophie unconsciously clutched her arm, where the knife cut had happened, before answering.
“Ralph came home that night and… and he found us arguing. He had a dangerous look in his eyes. I tried to tell him that it was nothing, tell him that couples argue all the time, but he wouldn’t listen. He was always so angry when John and I argued, but this time… this time it was different,” said Sophie, taking a deep breath. “Ralph told me he loved me, he told me that everything would be different from now on , that John would never argue with me again, and then he picked up his bat and he… he…” his mother began crying softly, burying her face in her hands.
“Madam, please continue your answer,” the Judge said, not unkindly.
“After… after doing what he did, he came down those stairs, soaked in John’s blood and… he tried to kiss me! “Sophie waved her arms dramatically in the air. “My own son, with his father’s blood on his clothes, tried to kiss me!”
His lawyer noticed his unrest and squeezed his right thigh again, she had warned him that Sophie’s words would be strong, and that he couldn’t react to any of it. Ralph wanted nothing more than to call out her lie right there, right then, but he nodded at Christina. He could still feel his lips warm where they had fleetingly touched his mother’s after it was over. And then she had turned against him.
“No further questions.” Sophie’s lawyer said.
The Judge turned towards Christina, asking her if she had any more questions towards Sophie. Christina had only one, and she didn’t bother standing up for it.
“Madam, do you know who called the police on that night?” Christina asked, without taking her eyes away from the papers in front of her.
“Huh? No…”
“No further questions.”
After Sophie went back to her place, Christina finally stood up. “Your honor, I would like to call in my last witness of this story,” she began.
Ralph got ready to stand up and take his place, when the court doors opened. Looking behind him, he saw a slim female figure walk elegantly inside the room, escorted by a guard, who guided her to the front.
“Jessica, would you please stand forward.” Christina said, smiling slightly at Ralph.
One look at his mother’s eyes was enough for the offense to know this would not go well for them.
“Objection, this woman has nothing to do with this incident!”
“Let me be the judge of that,” said the judge, with a long look at the offense, “objection denied.”
Ralph’s mother couldn’t stop glaring at Jessica as she took her place and swore the oath. Jessica was wearing common office clothes. Christina began her questioning right away.
“Madam, do you know this boy personally?”
“No.” Jessica answered, with a clear voice.
“Do you know his mother personally?”
“No.”
“Did you know the victim?”
“Yes.”
“What was your relationship with the victim?”
“We were good friends.” Ralph noticed Jessica was very confident. His mother wasn’t.
“You are a cow and a liar, that’s what you are!” Sophie screamed.
“And you would do well to stay in silence, please,” reprimanded the judge, instantly.
“Did John ever talk to you about his son?” Christina continued, as if nothing had happened.
“John loved Ralph, as any father would love his son. He talked a lot about him. He was deeply hurt over the fact that his son disliked him, but he knew that wasn’t his son’s fault. His mother was always throwing Ralph against him.” Jessica answered, looking directly at Ralph all the time. Ralph kept shifting his gaze between her and his mother, trying to process this new information.
“For how long had you been friends with John?”
“It’s been 10 years now.”
“How did you meet John?”
“I object. Is this even relevant?” complained Sophie’s lawyer.
“Objection denied,” replied the judge, lazily.
“We were assigned to work on the same project.” Jessica proceeded, once silence had been re-established.
“And how did his wife react to that?”
“She caught him e-mailing me about work once and they had a big argument about it. I remember his son stopped speaking to him for weeks after that. John was very hurt about it at the time.”
Ralph’s jaw dropped slightly. He stole a quick, questioning glance at his mother, but she seemed busy focusing at something on the table in front of her.
“Has John, to your knowing, ever hit his wife?” Christina’s questions seemed to have no end.
“That would be very unlikely. John loved his wife very much, you see. In his free time with me at the office, all he would do was talk about his wife and his son.”
Her eyes seemed to lock on Ralph’s, and they stayed that way for a long time. Jessica, feeling the pain in Ralph’s unbelieving eyes, unsure if she hated him or pitied him and Ralph, in exchange, seemed to question her intently with his gaze. This woman couldn’t possibly be telling the truth. She didn’t know his father as he did. Did I really know my father?
“After a while, you told me John stopped talking to you, could you tell us why?”
“His wife was always extremely jealous of John. After another fight between them, she attacked John, and threatened to attack me and any other woman he talked to.”
“And I will, you filthy bitch,” Sophie spat feverously, “this woman tried to steal my husband!”
“Silence!” the judge shouted, slamming his hammer twice on his desk. And then he turned towards Christina, “please continue.”
“I have one last question, Jessica. What happened on the fifth of May?” Christina asked, showing nervousness for the first time.
“Three days before the tragic accident,” Jessica began, still looking at Ralph. There was no hate in her eyes now, only pity, “my car was keyed. I was very flustered about it, and told John, but he told me not to call the cops.” She paused to gather her breath before continuing, “His wife had visited him at work on that day.” She looked pointedly at Ralph’s mother, who looked away.
“John called me on the fifth of May to tell me his wife had confessed to having keyed my car. He also said she attacked him for defending me, nailing his arms, and he had said he wanted a divorce out of rage. He was desperately asking me how he could tell her he was sorry, when I heard her come back to the room, he turned off his phone.”
“But that’s not the last time you heard from John, was it?”
“No. He called me back again about thirty minutes later. He told me his wife had gone crazy, that she had threatened to kill them both, tried to stab him, and had cut herself with a knife. He did not tell me she had stabbed his leg with the knife, I believe he was defending her even then.”
“No! He attacked my mom…” Ralph began, almost pleadingly, but he didn’t sound very convinced of it. The judge paid him no notice, and Jessica proceeded.
“I heard the door crashing open, and John stopped talking to me. I heard him saying Ralph’s name, puzzled at first, and then almost begging. I heard John as he… as he screamed, many times.” A solitary tear made its way free from her eyes, and slowly slithered down her right cheek.
Ralph noticed he was crying too.
